Separate Bedrooms, Stronger Marriages: This Home Layout Could Save Your Relationship

For some, the idea of couples opting for separate bedrooms remains a sign of a relationship being on rocky ground.

However, times have certainly changed, and some couples actually prefer their own spaces when it comes to sleeping and relaxing. This includes some big Hollywood names!

If you’re in a committed relationship, ready to buy your next place, you might want to prioritize extra bedrooms. The psychologist we spoke to agreed it could be the best investment, leading to more harmony in your love life. Plus, it doesn't hurt having greater versatility in the home. 

Are couples really looking for homes with more bedrooms?

Extra bedrooms are becoming a more frequent buyer request, driven by a multitude of lifestyle shifts.

These include the rise of remote work in the post-COVID era and multigenerational living, with young adults needing parents' help covering housing expenses because of financial constraints.

But it's also couples who are looking for homes with a spare bedroom, with some eager to have the space to enjoy the comforts of a "sleep divorce" should they need to.

More than 40% of people who share a bed with their significant other believe sleep issues have caused them to question their relationship, according to a study by Naturepedic. In fact, 60% of those who sleep separately feel less stressed, while 27% of respondents rated their relationship as “amazing” once they decided to sleep in separate beds.

The psychology of separate bedrooms

“Separate sleeping arrangements can significantly alleviate stress and enhance the quality of rest for couples. Common issues such as snoring, restlessness, sleep environment preferences, and differing sleep schedules often lead to frustration and resentment between partners,” says Susan Rathmell, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and owner of Upward Behavioral Health in Birmingham, AL. 

While many of these differences can be addressed, partners sometimes simply have distinct sleep preferences, and that’s perfectly acceptable. For example, women experiencing perimenopause or menopause often struggle with night sweats and may prefer a cooler sleeping environment, which can be uncomfortable for their partners. 

“Additionally, couples may consist of one 'morning lark' and one 'night owl,' a natural difference that can be challenging to modify. Some variations in sleep habits, like pillow firmness or using blackout shades, can be easily reconciled, while others, such as snoring or restlessness, may not be as easily resolved,” explains Rathmell. 

In cases where these differences persist, some couples find that maintaining harmony is more important than sharing a bed or bedroom.

“If separate sleeping arrangements help avoid ongoing disagreements and resentment, they can be a worthwhile consideration for a healthier and happier relationship,” adds Rathmell.

While more couples are opting into a sleep divorce, there is still some judgment of couples who sleep separately—the stigma hasn’t totally faded yet.

“The good news is many couples are coming to the realization that separate bedrooms aren’t a sign of trouble, but a strategy for a happier (and more rested) relationship,” says Marissa Nelson, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of IntimacyMoons in Washington, D.C.

It’s less about pulling away and more about finding ways to stay connected without sacrificing rest.

“For many couples, separating sleep is not about distance but about protecting energy for the relationship during waking hours,” adds Nelson.

Despite this, couples have to be proactive. Without open conversation and intentional points of closeness, what starts as practical decision can become a slippery slope into disconnection and lack of intimacy.

Why more space pays off in the long run

Rather than accepting the status quo and believing you “have to” sleep in the same bedroom with your spouse, think about what matters most to you. If better sleep will improve your relationship and you need separate spaces to achieve that, then go for it. 

As you’re house shopping, “think bigger” and realize that a spare bedroom isn’t just for sleep. You can always repurpose it as a nursery, guest room, home office, or anything your heart desires down the road. 

And this type of flexibility can do wonders for your resale value and make your home adaptable to life changes.