House or Wedding? The $36,000 Financial Choice Forcing Gen Z To Rewrite the American Dream

First comes love. Then comes a $36,000 wedding, a $23,400 down payment, and childcare that can consume double-digit shares of household income.

It’s just a snapshot of the punishing costs young families face today. And as milestones that once built on one another compete for the same pool of money, the traditional sequence of adulthood is being upended in the process.

In 1975, 45% of Americans ages 25 to 34 had moved out of their parents’ home, entered the workforce, gotten married, and had children, according to Census Bureau data. By 2024, fewer than a quarter had reached all four milestones.

Among the forces reshaping that sequence, housing may be exerting the most pressure on what comes next.

“Housing costs are a primary driver in delaying adulthood milestones, as young Americans are forced to live with their families or roommates for longer than ever before,” says Joel Berner, senior economist at Realtor.com®.

Housing costs are reshuffling the order of adulthood

It’s hard to overstate the role that rising housing costs have played in shaping the futures of millennials and Gen Zers.

A record 25.2 million adults lived with their parents in 2025—nearly 1 in 3 adults under 35, according to previous Realtor.com research. Most were employed, too—suggesting that having a job wasn't necessarily enough for many young adults to establish a household of their own.

And where housing costs are highest, the effect appears particularly pronounced. Young adults were more likely to live with their parents in high-rent metros than in lower-cost ones at every income level, according to research from Urban Institute (UI). The gap between high- and low-cost markets widened from virtually nothing in 2005 to nearly 6 percentage points by 2024.

While staying home can be a rational way to save, Berner emphasizes that the consequences can extend well beyond housing.

“Not living on their own makes it difficult for [young adults] to start partnerships as early and often as previous generations, which cascades into having kids later as well,” he explains. “Each step compounds, because waiting also means entering marriage or parenthood later in a person's earning years, often with less runway to save for the next milestone.”

The next milestone is expensive, too

To Berner's point, while marriage may have once been the inciting event that prompted homeownership, more young adults are looking at the choice as an either/or. A whopping 59% of couples report delaying home purchases to afford their wedding, according to Zola's 2026 First Look Report.

"Couples in the U.S. today are absolutely navigating tension between wanting an incredible wedding and having other major financial priorities, like buying a house," says Hannah Roze, founder of Plannerd, a wedding planning platform.

It's easy to see why: The average wedding will cost $36,000 in 2026—nearly $13,000 more than the typical down payment of $23,400 in the first quarter of the year.

But delaying or forgoing homeownership can continue to cost a family for decades to come.

A Realtor.com analysis found that households that bought their first home around age 30 had 22.5% more net worth by age 50—about $119,000—than those who did not buy until their 40s. Households that delayed homeownership six to 10 years beyond age 30 accumulated roughly 17.5% less wealth by midlife.

For Berner, that makes homeownership a particularly consequential bottleneck.

“High rents are certainly a financial drag, but people can and do get married and have kids in apartments. The cost of buying a home may be a bigger burden to those waiting to achieve it because down payments have grown considerably, and options for homes remain few,” he says.

But even buying a home doesn't end the competition for household dollars.

In every state, the typical family is considered cost-burdened by childcare, meaning care exceeds 7% of family income. In the most cost-burdened state, Hawaii, childcare can consume 20% of a typical family’s income.

Speaking to Realtor.com in May, Yuliya Panfil, director of the Future of Land and Housing Program at New America, described the collision between housing and childcare as a “double whammy.”

“If [parents] don't pay for childcare, then they can't work, and if they can't work, then they can't pay [for housing]. So it's this vicious cycle.”

Young adults are changing the route

Younger generations seem keenly aware of that punishing cascade of costs.

Nearly 3 in 4 Gen Z adults (72%) and more than half of millennials (56%) say financial challenges have caused them to postpone at least one major financial milestone, according to Northwestern Mutual’s Planning & Progress Study.

Buying a home was the most commonly delayed milestone for both generations, while another 34% of Gen Z and 22% of millennials say they're worried they'll never buy one.

That pressure is prompting some to reconsider the traditional life script.

“People are adapting,” Berner says. “Single-female homeownership and multigenerational homebuying are flipping the script on the order in which these events must occur, and these trends are helping to get young Americans into homes in some cases.”

Among the youngest adults who have bought homes, that shift is already plain enough to see: 35% of Gen Z buyers were single women in the latest generational survey from the National Association of Realtors, while 17% were unmarried couples—the highest shares of any generation.

That suggests the old sequence—marriage first, homeownership next—is becoming less fixed. But changing the order hasn’t eliminated the underlying affordability problem.

As Berner puts it, “Homeownership is still considered a staple of the American dream, and many young Americans are predicating their other life milestones on that one.”