Can Your Neighbors or HOA Force You To Be Nice?

You can’t pick your neighbors, but if you could, wouldn’t you want them to be nice? How far would you be willing to go to try to ensure that was the case? Would you ask them to sign a document promising that they’d at least try to be kind to you and everyone else in the area?

This isn’t a hypothetical: In at least one planned community called Silverwood, the developer requires homebuyers to sign a “kindness pledge,” seeking to build a culture of listening to others, excluding hateful words, and engaging on a personal level.

The community, located in Hesperia, CA, argues that explicitly promoting civility can create better neighborhoods in an increasingly divided world.

But can developers, builders, sellers, or HOAs actually enforce being nice? And beyond the warm feelings, does living in a "kindness community" offer any real, tangible benefits for those looking to buy, live, and sell there? Here's what prospective homebuyers need to know.

The legal reality: It isn’t enforceable

Before you get upset at the idea that you might truly have to be nice to your neighbors if you want to live somewhere, understand that a kindness pledge has virtually no legal weight. It’s more of an aspirational thing. 

There are a few main reasons for this. One is that kindness is a vague concept that would be hard to pin down in any real way. 

"Community covenants and restrictions must be specific, objective, and capable of consistent enforcement," says Donna DiMaggio Berger, a Florida-based attorney who specializes in HOA and condominium law. "While associations can enforce restrictions related to property use, architectural standards, and certain behaviors, a vague ‘niceness’ requirement lacks clear legal standards."

Being overly loud, leaving your trash cans on the street, threatening or stalking your neighbors—those are clear behaviors that an HOA could enforce. Kindness, as described by things like tone of voice or opinions, is less so. 

Even if a pledge were more specific, enforcing subjective behavioral standards would open HOAs up to significant legal challenges around discrimination, selective enforcement, and potential violations of members' rights.

“Enforcing it would be nearly impossible and potentially unlawful depending on how it is drafted and applied,” says Berger. “Even well-intentioned civility pledges could be used to exclude certain groups of people, especially if niceness is equated with conformity to certain cultural norms.”

So what’s the point of having one?

If kindness pledges aren't enforceable, why do they exist? The answer lies in self-selection and community building.

Developers use these pledges as a screening mechanism. Homebuyers who are put off by the idea of signing a kindness pledge will likely look elsewhere, while those attracted to the concept will feel they're moving into a community of like-minded neighbors. 

“I find that young families with children often embrace this kind of environment because it equals a ‘safer’ or ‘more accepting’ environment,” says Kristen Conti, a Florida real estate broker.

The tangible benefits of ‘nice’ neighborhoods

Beyond the feel-good factor, however, research suggests that communities with stronger social bonds and neighborly interaction do offer measurable benefits.

“Generally speaking, community cohesion correlates with higher property values and fewer legal disputes,” says Berger. 

This manifests in a few ways. For example, neighborhoods with higher social connectedness show lower crime rates.

Research has also shown that residents in neighborhoods with stronger social ties report lower levels of depression, anxiety, and stress.

And some of the tenets of a socially cohesive neighborhood may lead to higher home prices: A survey from the National Association of Realtors® found that over 30% of Gen Z and millennial respondents were willing to pay significantly more to live in walkable communities—neighborhoods where social interaction happens more naturally.

That said, these communities are likely more sought-after because of the knock-on effects rather than, say, a specific pledge to be kind. 

"It's not the behavioral agreements themselves that drive higher property values," says Conti. "The reasons are tied to the community maintaining order, cleanliness, and safety—things like lawn care standards, noise restrictions, and care of community amenities."

What homebuyers should consider about kind communities

If you're evaluating a community with a kindness pledge or similar behavioral covenant, here are key questions to ask:

What happens if someone violates the pledge? If the answer is vague or nonexistent, you're looking at an aspirational document, not an enforceable rule. That’s OK, of course, but in your conversations with neighbors or sellers, try to ascertain a sense of how “enforced” that idea is. 

Are there specific behaviors that are enforceable? Look at the HOA's CC&Rs (covenants, conditions, and restrictions) for actual rules around noise, property maintenance, and neighbor conduct. These are not kindness requirements, but they may lead to similar impacts. 

What amenities and design features support community building? Pledges aside, does the development include shared spaces, walkable areas, and opportunities for neighbors to interact naturally? Physical design matters, perhaps even more than written promises.

Finally, what's the community culture really like? Talk to existing residents. Ask about conflict resolution, HOA responsiveness, and whether people actually interact with their neighbors.

Pledging kindness is just one piece of the puzzle

Can your neighbors force you to be nice? No. Kindness pledges carry no legal weight and can't be enforced like traditional HOA rules. Besides, kindness means different things in different places—what's considered neighborly in Brooklyn, NY, may differ from Brooklyn, IA.

But that doesn't mean they're meaningless. These pledges serve as cultural markers that attract certain buyers and signal shared values. And while you can't mandate kindness, research shows that neighborhoods with stronger social bonds deliver real benefits.

The key is looking beyond the pledge itself to evaluate whether a community's design, amenities, and existing culture actually support the neighborly interaction the pledge promises.